Monday I got a letter. Tuesday I didn't expect one- but I looked just the same- Wednesday I thought maybe- and was disappointed. When no letter came this morning I was sick. I spent the day wondering why- why- why-. When I came home this evening Mrs. L____ asked "Did you find your letter on the table?" I said "yes", for I had found one from home at noon. I picked up the paper and she dropped it in my lap- the most wonderful letter- your letter- came in on the afternoon mail. I looked at it and grinned. They both teased me about being tickled but I didn't care- I was tickled.
So, if I can come on June eleventh you will save the date for me. Is that as anxious as you are- or expect to be? It is on Saturday, beloved- and I'll come- but only if you really want me- not if you're merely willing.
The manager's three week old baby died this morning. I feel so sorry for both of them- it was such a sweet, cuddly baby. They have a boy about B__ E__'s age, and he was so proud of his baby brother- would talk about nothing else. It is a cruel world.
No doubt you were glad when your folks came. No one can ever quite take the place of our own mother and dad. I know I'd like awfully to see mine.
But better than anyone in the whole world I'd like to see you- dear- to be near you- to touch you- and hear your voice- and kiss your lips.
I've dreamed all my life of my ideal girl. And as I grew older I added so many requirements that I despaired ever finding her. And then I found you- and I would not have you different in any detail- you are the realization of all my dreams- my ideal. And how much dearer precious and desirable that ideal has become now that I have seen her in the flesh. Seen her and talked with her, kissed her, missed her, worshipped her- my ideal- my sweet-heart, my Jean.
Jean, darling, does my love truly mean anything to you? Does it fill a welcome place in your life? Is it real to you?
My love for you is the biggest thing in my life. All else is secondary to it. And I do not begrudge it its place. I keep it close and warm- and yearning- in the place where was my heart- the heart I gave to you.
I've been so terribly lonesome all day. Loneliness isn't a matter of being alone- its a state of mind. Mrs. L____ folks were here today and they invited me to dinner. Yet I was more lonely today than I've been since I came here.
I went to church this morning and watched people as they hurried hom afterwards- home!!! The L__s are just awfully nice but this isn't home. It takes love and understanding and heaps of things to make a home!!
Jean, Jean dearest, have I still a chance? Am I making good in your sight- will my dream of home ever come true? Say that there is still a chance, dear heart- say you still think of me- and miss me- and care- a little.
Sometimes I think you must look at me as a sentimental fool, dear, but you mean so much, so awfully much, I just have to say it.
I sometimes think that the advantages of this job are offset by the loneliness- but then I realize that should you change "maybe" to "yes" the realization of my dreams would be so much easier and quicker that the sorrows of today would be forgotten in the joys of tomorrow.
I love you,